Comments (0) To celebrate my cousin and uncle’s birthdays we gathered in the East Bay for some good old fashioned family fun. Outside of San Francisco and Folsom, the East Bay is my third home. I love the hot weather, the short distance between Filbert Street and Diablo Road and of course, the aunts, uncles and cousins who are there for my entertainment and company.
Aren’t we precious?!
Happy Belated Birthday Stinks!
By now you have probably figured out that if it involves booze, music, a theme, etc, that I most likely want to be a part of it. As July is quickly coming to a close, I thought it important to highlight the Festivals of the Fall. Let’s face it, Summer might as well be winter in San Francisco with all this fog we’ve had, so let’s make August, September & October the key staycation months of 2010!
Below you will find a complete list (well complete in that these are the things I would like to attend) of Fall Festivals!
Only in San Francisco: A great site for all your San Francisco good times!
August
Saturday, August 7
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is Playing at Dolores Park
Saturday, August 14 & Sunday, August 15
Outside Lands Music & Arts Festival
September
Friday, September 3 – Monday, September 6
Sausalito Art & Wine Festival
Saturday, September 11 & Sunday, September 12
Ghiradelli Square Chocolate Festival & 7th Annual Brews on the Bay
Saturday, September 18
2nd Annual Taste of Fillmore Street
Saturday, September 25 & Sunday, September 26
SF International Dragon Boat Festival & Polk Street Blues Festival
Sunday, September 26
Folsom Street Faire
October
Sunday, October 3
Castro Street Fair
Friday, October 8 – Tuesday, October 12
Fleet Week
Saturday, October 16 & Sunday, October 17
Half Moon Bay’s Pumpkin Festival & Treasure Island Music Festival
Saturday, October 23 – Tuesday, October 26
Oktoberfest by the Bay
So last night, a random Thursday, I decided to lay low for a change. I got home from work, put on my PJs and turned on the teley. After watching several hours of nonsenscial episodes of Chelsea Lately, I decided to get up and clean the house a bit. Mid-bathroom deep bleach, a knock at the door. Christie was getting home from work late and wanted to go out for a drink…
After about 20 minutes of convincing and a very sneaky icing, I was in.
SIDE NOTE: Christie was wearing a t-shirt dress. She tells me she’s going up stairs to change, but needs me to help her unzip the dress. I think to myself, what shirt dress has a frickin zipper. Then I realize…ICED! Damn her.
Anyway…I finish up cleaning, tool a quick shower and got dressed. Since Christie and I are ridiculously poor we had only $20 cash between the two of us. (Christie: $20. Me: $0). We decided to keep ourselves in control, we’d just head over to the Black Horse Deli & Pub (See St Patrick’s Day) for a quick couple of beers.
It’s 10:30pm at this point.
As we approach the bar, which as a reminder is a small alley with a roof on it, we hear a ton of noise. It was packed. Ladies on the stools. Dudes slammed up against the wall. And there were just as many people behind the bar as there were being served. We bellied up to a couple seats and ordered two Chimay Whites.
Apparently it was the owner, James’, birthday. They were serving teeny-tiny pies and ice cream cake, and every ten would break into a mumbled rendition of “Happy Birthday.” Everyone was absolutely shitfaced.
Once settled, we realized the entire crowd was involved in an intense dice game of 1-4-24. There was a hug pile of dollar bills right in front of us…Being as poor as we are, we decided gambling was a great way to earn some extra dough. So Christie threw down and tossed the die.
Meanwhile, some random girl walks in with a Safeway bag full of Jell-O shots. WTF? Orange and Lime flavor shots are now being passed around the bar. Everyone took the first in unison, yelling, “CHEERS!” tapping one to the other as if a large glasses of wine around the family table.
At 11:40pm James announces he must close at midnight to avoid getting closed down again.
SIDE NOTE: They were recently shut down for ten days for staying open past the deli license allotted hours.
Back to the game. Christie ties for first place the first three rounds…By the last, however, she lost by only three points…The final game ends right at midnight. We chug our beers.
On our walk home we discuss how random the evening was. We’re a little tipsy. We made some mac n cheese, cuddled up (because apparently Christie can’t walk up the two flights of stairs to her own place) and passed out watching 17 Again. Ridiculous.
Onto Carmel…day two and three. See Carmel Part I for day one.
Once we had escaped being kicked out of our Carmel family inn, we headed into the valley for some yummy brunch at Corkscrew Cafe.
Not only was the food delicious, but so was the service. Sean and Dustin were our servers…They were hilarious. They looked twelve years old, but apparently it was only their innocence that kept them looking so young. Well that and their rosey cheeks.
We finished our ‘Ladies Who Lunch” luncheon and popped down the street to Talbott and Georis wineries.
The atmosphere for tastings was beautiful and the company was pretty fantastic as well .
At Talbott we met two adorable couples from Los Angeles. The ladies were sisters and despite both being grandmothers they looked 25. They sat and talked with us for a while offering advice on beautiful skin, local wineries and of course, how to find true love.
At Georis we met Bear, a musician from South Carolina who currently holds the Guinness Book of World Records for finger tapping. He had a snaggle tooth, southern accent and sweet sense of humor. Check him out:
We had finished up in the Valley and headed back to the hotel. We quickly refreshed and headed out for a late dinner. Unfortunately we didn’t make a reservation at the restaurant Dametra’s, so we put in our name, dropped off our Georis and Talbott wine and headed to Il Fornaio for a couple cocktails in the meantime.
At Il Fornaio we met “B” a bartender who had been working there for over 15 years. Quite entertaining and made one mean pomegranate margarita.
Over the course of the next hour we attempted to hit on a table of men who had obviously just returned from a game of golf. We created a diagram to determine who was single and who was married. Alas. No luck. Again.
After hugging “B” goodbye we headed back over to Dametra’s for some outstanding food, singing, dancing and good times. The restaurant is run by a family of Greek men (i.e. cousins, brothers, grandfather, etc). I emphasize the word family because I felt like it was actually just a group of friends who shared a common interest of good food and good women. We were attended to by at least five male waiters, serenaded by their grandfather and danced adored by a table of Arabic drummers. An interesting experience to say the least.
We finished up our final course and headed back to Brophy’s for Round II. We entered the bar to find all the locals and workers knew us by name. I even got a talking to again by the owner, Chris, about keeping it PG tonight. We dropped off the bottle of wine we didn’t consume at dinner behind the bar and bellied up to a table in the corner next to two hawt single dudes, who I shall call Folsom and Sven.
Folsom and Sven didn’t seem terribly interested at first, however, after joining us for a drink, their attitudes quickly adjusted. Christie pretty quickly decided Sven was heres, despite Jen’s tentative interest. Mary chatted up Folsom, however he was suffering from a recent broken heart and didn’t care too much to take any females serious. With Mary and Christie distracted, Jen and I wandered the other 10 square feet of the bar for any newbies.
Unfortunately there were no newbies, instead the wedding party from the night before turned up, including Robert. He quickly approached me, stuck his hand inappropriately down my shirt and began making out with me. Chris, the bar owner, quickly reminded us to keep it PG. Robert then decided it was probably a good idea to go back to my hotel room. I agreed.
So I walked over to the table with Sven, Christie, Folsom and Mary to grab my coat. I explained to them my plan and everyone seemed to be in agreement that it was an excellent idea. On my way back to Robert I stopped to talk with this dude who I shall call Tin Cup. Tin Cup was a movie producer from LA who was sitting in the bar with an oversized pair of headphones choosing music for his upcoming movie. He couldn’t tell me what the name of it was but described it as follows:
“It’s a story about a war veteran who comes back to play professional golf. He comes to Carmel, meets a lady and rebuilds his life. Oh and it’s starring Kevin Costner.”
I responded by asking, “Didn’t they already make that movie? It’s called Tin Cup.” He did not think this was clever. He went on to make ridiculous statements like..
“If you don’t have money, you can never be happy.”
“I’m dating a japanese princess. She’s a direct descendant of the emperor. In our spare time she and I run a dog grooming business called Pretty Doggies.”
“Don’t call me sweetheart. My name is ____. Don’t ever call me a pet name again.”
I seriously couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. The true downside of this conversation, outside of feeling dumber, was that Robert thought I was flirting with this 52 year old douche and left the bar giving me a dirty look. So much for going back to the hotel room. So instead the girls and I finished up our cocktails and silently headed back to our hotel room.
Sunday morning we woke up, snuck out of the hotel room and headed over to Big Sur to have brunch at Nepenthe. I was pretty sure Jen and Christie were going to vomit on the windy 30-minute drive. Especially when I started singing showtunes. But we made it there free and clear. No Sunday Funday lunch would do without a refreshing cocktail, especially if daiquiris are on the menu!
The day ended with a long drive back to San Francisco. Lola, wine and dignity in tow…
A great kick off to the Summer of Single Dudes.
Money
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carmel, Lola, SOSD, wine tasting
I met Myles in high school some twelve odd years ago. Emphasis on the odd. Over the past twelve years I’ve gotten to know him quite well. In fact in the last couple of years he spent just over three months living with me in my room. In any other situation this would be weird. Sleeping in the same bed, with the same guy, for three months and not having sex? I mean I’m not a sleuter, but that’s unusual for any lady of my social standing. The key for Myles and I? Myles is gay. And in true Myles fashion, he came out of the closet to our friends, including myself, in a big way. Here’s the story…
It was 2005 and Myles invited his very best high school pals to Reno for an overnight getaway. This included Danny (my roommate), Jeff (a guy I used to whatever with), Christie, Sharon and me. Myles had a friend who hooked us up with the Pavarotti Suite at one of the casinos in Reno. Classy.
Sharon, Myles and I were the first there. We checked into the room: Three bedrooms, Living Room, Dining Room, Full Bar, Jacuzzi and Mirrored Ceiling. After unpacking our shiza we headed down to the VIP Hosted Bar, where Danny, Jeff and Christie joined us. The bar was amazing. All top shelf. As much as you want. All free of charge.
Several hours in we’re pretty liquored up and Myles shares with us he has some big news….He’s GAY! We of course take this opportunity to ask a lot of stupid questions and then…celebrate! We headed back to the hotel room where things got a little ridiculous….
Jeff threatens to kill me…joking of course. (We had a strange friendship.)
Once we finished making a scene in the hotel room, we decided to take it out in public. Bad idea. Over the course of the night we scarred hotel patrons, Sharon ate shit on an ice cube, we made an ass of ourselves meeting the Ten Tenors and were finally asked to leave the VIP bar after running up a $1000+ tab without tipping the bartender.
The night for me ended as usual…in a bathtub. I can’t help myself.
On our way back to Folsom the next day we stopped at a local school yard and played in the snow…Thanks to Danny who knocked my ass into the snow field. Bastard.
Thanks to Myles for never letting us down…even when it comes to coming out.
As I may have previously mentioned, I have deemed the coming months to be the “Summer of Single Dudes” or more commonly known as SOSD. It’s a sort of unorganized-organization, made up of my single girlfriends and I. Our objective? To meet single dudes and some might even say, fall in love. (Well probably more likely to just have a couple of hot flings, but to sound classy we’ve added the whole lovey-dovey aspect.)
SIDE NOTE: The concept of SOSD surfaced over the last couple of months as my single girlfriends and I realized in order to meeting single guys, we were best off doing so only when with other single girls. See unlike the common male, females who are in a serious relationships give off a vibe wreaking of the words, “Don’t even bother. I’m taken.” Men, however, whether married, engaged or dating always seem available. So much to our couple friends’ dismay, we begin planning activities without them.
The first event, and launch of the SOSD, was a weekend getaway to Carmel, Ca. Now you’re probably asking yourself, why Carmel? What I discovered at a recent wedding in this beautiful town is that dudes (and not ladies) are crawling all over this place. They’re visiting for bachelor parties, golf trips, wedding parties and more. The best part? There is only one bar in all of downtown Carmel open until 2am, making Brophy’s Tavern, the secret hiding haven for single dudes. (Well, I guess it’s not a secret anymore).
So I strategically booked our stay at Fireside Inn, which is directly across the street from Brophy’s and only two blocks from the downtown drag, Ocean Avenue. Christie, Jen and Mary in tow we headed down Friday evening for two jam packed days of full of debauchery.
Friday night Mary and I were the first of the four to hit up Brophy’s (late start). We begin with a 7&7 and an interactive card game commonly known as King’s Cup.
SIDE NOTE: Notice below the cards appear to be see-through. In reality these were waterproof. Perfect for bar, beach or children. (By the end of the night these were all over the place. The owner, Chris, claimed to have made an attempt to collect them and gave up half way through…)
Christie and Jen joined soon after…The night goes on and several groups of single dudes are now hanging out at the bar. A couple dudes specifically engage with us in conversation. I shall call them Jeff, Leonard and Robert and they were being pursued by Christie, Jen and myself accordingly. PS by 11pm Mary peaced out and passed out back in our hotel room with Lola.
The rest of the evening becomes a little blurry, but here are a couple quick highlights:
1. Christie gets in an argument with Jeff over gay marriage. She is pro and he is not. This, however, could not possibly have been a surprise to her considering he had come to the bar after a full day of hunting. WTF?
2. Jen has a hawt makeout session with Leonard who, later that night asks she join him for a viewing of the lunar eclipse happening around 3am. Creepy! (PS He proceeded to call/text her over the next couple of days, saying things like “I thought we had chemistry?!”)
3. Robert and I proceed to kiss as if we were in the seventh grade in a dark movie theatre, but we are nearly thirty and sitting at a bar. The bartender reminded us to keep it PG. We did our best.
1. Robert is with a wedding party and the groom shares with me he is upset because he never made it to a strip club for his bachelor party. I feel terrible about this and decide to flash him in the hopes it will make all better. I think it helped.
So as the bar closed the boys walked us back to our hotel (directly across the street) where Jen and I proceed to get in a heated discussion about absolutely nothing important. The boys leave, but Jen and I proceed to continue talking outside of our hotel room, whereby a hotel guest starts yelling profanity at me. I react by yelling back, “Are you serious?” For some crazy reason I thought they were in the wrong, not me. Ridiculous. Thereafter we get into our room, I cuddle up with Lola and we go to sleep.
The next morning we woke up at 8am to make it to the Continental breakfast. We feast on free bagels and muffins and then head back to bed until 12noon. We failed to remember, however, we had told the hotel there were only two of us staying in the hotel, and yet there were four who grabbed some grub. Around 12:30pm that morning/afternoon, I had to explain to the front desk that there were only two of us, the other two were staying at the nearby Best Western and the noise the night before was not us whoring ourselves out, but rather a funny talking to between good friends. This was one of the most awkward conversations I’ve ever had.
Oh and at this point in the morning we decide the crest placed strategically above our hotel room’s fireplace, is now our SOSD emblem…
Night #1 is complete…On to Day and Evening #2. I couldn’t possibly imagine things getting any crazier, but I live to be surprised…Carmel Part II coming soon…
Well not quite, but she does seem to love the water! Thanks to Auntie Cindy for a fun day at the pool!
The trolley that could get me drunk that is. It’s was Kellan’s 26th birthday and one of the warmest days in the city since I’ve lived here. We decided to celebrate her special day in true San Francisco fashion: Trolley Crawl!
Saturday morning started out with brunch at Lee Anne’s. (Congrats to her on grad school BTW!!) Anyway…after a couple cheesy scones and birthday cupcakes, we sang Kellan a very special birthday song: Mmmm…Kellan. That looks like a delicious “ICE-Y” cake!
So once satiated by our delicious homemade brunch, we popped downstairs to start on our merry trolley way…
Kellan had planned an entire day of activities, traveling from Bar A to Bar B, including a special stop on the Marin side of the Golden Gate for a quick photo op and some champagne…So we headed down the road and landed ourselves at the quintessential tourist view point.
Once we gobbled down our champagne, thoroughly embarrassing ourselves in public, we hopped back on our trolley to head to our first drunken hot spot.
SIDE NOTE: If you didn’t already know this about me, consider yourself informed. I HATE being hot. I don’t like the sticky feeling of humidity. I don’t like standing still in the heat perspiring like crazy. And I don’t like being hot while I’m drunk.
So as we turn the roundabout to merge onto the freeway we realize our trolley seems to be slowing down…slower and slower…I’m not sure if the driver just ran out of gas or is the trolley just stopped working. But there we were…the side of the Golden Gate Bridge…in a trolley…in the heat…This is me not happy.
Of course to keep us distracted we did have minis and friends…
So after about 2 hours we had a separate trolley come pick us up…Our plan was to hit up three different bars in three different neighborhoods (names for the most part I don’t remember.) However, to make a VERY long story short, every bar turned us down with the exception of one.
I don’t know what the name of this dive was, but it was creepy…Just a quick glimpse…
Clearly at this point we were a bit schnockered, which led to some great decisions like…
A. Inviting strangers on the trolley:
B. Pole dancing through the streets:
C. Icing (Please note Kellan’s face in the background. Classic):
And finally D. Going to Paxti’s…To sum up our experience. We ordered several pizzas, bottles of wine and a TON of water. As we exited the building (thankfully without being escorted out) the manager came up and laughed about how he’s starting to recognize us. I do not take this as good news. Here’s why…
Just another Saturday Faturday. I heart you San Francisco.
For this year’s Memorial Day Weekend the kids and I headed up to our favorite vacation spot: Tahoe. We had originally planned to stay at Mary’s house in Truckee, however, plans were changed last minute and we ended up at my family’s place instead. (And yes, we absolutely realize how lucky we are to have options.)
The group included Mary, Christie, Jen, Doug, Milo and I…The entire weekend was filled with a shit ton of laughter, rock paper scissors, delicious dining and of course, it wouldn’t be a weekend on the north shore, without woodies.
To keep things contained in one part of the house, all of us decided to stay in one room. Imagine summer camp, but way classier. The highlight for me was most definitely my Saturday morning wake up call. By 9:30am everyone was up and aggressively trying to get me motivated to put on a wet suit and go for a swim.
SIDE NOTE: On Thursday night there were chains required because of the amount of snowfall. Now imagine that snow recently melted creating the lake in which we were about to dive in. Brrrr.
Aside, I gave in. With the help of Mary and Christie, we struggled into our wetsuits and headed down to the water for a very cold morning swim…Hilarity ensued as we counted down for our race to the booeys…Lola following close behind.
Check out our winter water aerobics and more…
If you haven’t heard about this yet, you’ve either been living under a rock or in Folsom (no offense). Bros Icing Bros is a new drinking game started on college campuses across the country. Much like the game of Buffalo, amongst a group of family and/or friends this game is initiated once, and you play for life unless disqualified (See Rule #1).
The objective is to creatively conceal a Smirnoff Ice from one of your opponents. When they discover this hidden delight, they have been “ICED” and must get down on one knee and chug the delicious beverage until the very last drop.
Rule #1: You cannot refuse an ice. If you refuse to drink the ice you are instantly excommunicated and shunned, and thus can never ice another bro or be iced.
Rule #2: If you are iced by a fellow bro you can ice block. When presented w/ an ice, you pull out an ice of your own and reverse the ice on your bro. The ultimate ice insult.
I heard about this game from my friends Milo and Stina on a Sunday and by Thursday of that week I had purchased a twelve pack of Ices and was ready to play. Unfortunately for me, that night I had gone grocery shopping with my roommate Danny and while I parked the car, he strategically hid one of the Ices I had purchased in the cupboard where I would later be putting the groceries away. Within moments of walking into the kitchen, I walked right into the trap. I approached the cupboard to put away some canned beans and discovered a cold Ice amongst our dry goods. Touche French.
Hilarity ensued as my friends and I ICED one another over the coming days…Here’s a quick look at some of my favorites…
Danny, is that an Ice hidden behind your toothbrush? Mmm…hope that icey goodness went well with your minty fresh Colgate at 5:30am.
Mary, I just painted my nails and they’re still wet. Can you grab your surprise out of my pocket?
Kevin caught my trying to ice him and ended up icing me. He twisted off the cap, tipped my head back and made me chug it right there at the bar. (Mind you we had not purchased the ice in the bar.) This is Kev finishing it off for me before we got caught.
Blaire: Denise, Can I hold one of the ices in my purse for you?
Denise: Blaire, That’s so kind. (It was until I opened the bag and on it was a sticky note from Greg reading, “You’ve been iced.”)
At the Brrr-Fest Gardens
While Blaire is holding two full beers, she turns to Greg and says, “I think I’m getting burned, can you reach into my purse and grab my sunscreen.” Blaire, however doesn’t see that Greg also has two full beers and Caroline, who we had just met that morning, kindly offers to get it for her. Caroline got iced. Welcome to the group Caroline. (Simultaneously Taz was Iced too!)
By 9pm we were all back at the house to cuddle up and watch The Hangover. Danny decided to take a quick cat nap, only to wake up with an Ice in his back pocket. No time for naps Danny.
PS I heart Union Street Festival!
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