How Lou Showed Us the Better Side of Vegas

You may recognize this post from a year back, however I was recently contacted by Lou’s assistant who politely asked I remove his complete name, as it was the third item to show on Google search…Here’s the story sans the surname. Enjoy…

For every senior in college, there are three significant components of your final year. These include job hunt, thesis and of course, Spring Break. In true Cozy form, we wouldn’t dare disappoint on such a momentous occassion and planned a week long getaway to Lake Mead and Las Vegas. (Lake Mead is located right outside of Vegas. It is most famously known for providing a beautiful, scenic background for the Pam and Tommy sex video tapped some years back.)

The ten girls and I booked a houseboat and carpooled the ten hours for some fun and good times. We were on the lake for something like four days, three nights. Our time was spent tanning, drinking, playing games and of course, crashing the boat…

I believe it was the second night, we decided to dock the boat in the marina and headed back on land to the local tavern. Upon entering we realized the crowd was anything but ordinary…mostly men and appeared to all actually live on the houseboats. Real classy. Aside we settled at the bar and before I could place my order, an older gentleman yelled to the bartender, “Whatever these ladies order is on me.” I of course responded with a “Thank you…you really don’t have to.” and then proceeded to order double of whatever I had originally intended to.

With such a generous ploy I felt obligated to at least sit for one drink and chat it up. What I didn’t realize is that this single decision would not only change the fate of our next 24 hours at Lake Mead, but has forever changed the way I see Las Vegas. The man behind the bankrolls of cash: Lou. (No matter how hard I tried he would not let me take a photo of his face. A little suspicious, right?)

As you can see by his canadian tuxedo and western belt buckle, you don’t expect a lot from this man at first sight. However, after talking with him, I came to learn he was head of the largest Italian drilling company in the world and helped to build all the big hotels in Vegas and, at the time, was drilling for the new Bay Bridge in SF. He claimed the movie Armageddon is based on his life, Bruce Willis playing the part of Lou. And of couse I can’t leave out that I drunk dialed President Bush and the head of the UFC. Not kidding. I actually spoke to the head of the UFC. Bush didn’t pick up. I only got his security.

Not only did he treat us to several cocktails that night, but for those of us heading into Las Vegas after our time on the houseboat, Lou introduced us to the exclusive side of Vegas.

We were in Vegas for two nights and had booked a room at the highest-end hotel, Circus Circus (so gross BTW). Lou, however, had other plans in store for us. He had reserved for us a private cabana at Caesar’s, complete with our own cabana boys and private pool. There we quickly racked up about $1000 in food and drinks… Next, he booked for us a private suite to change before we headed back to Circus Circus. Then, that night, he asked if we’d like to join him for dinner at Caesar’s best steakhouse. We sat VIP, of course, and ordered the most expensive items on the menu. At one point I ordered a cocktail and when the server said they didn’t have the ingredients to make it, Lou demanded they find the ingredients and deliver the drink immediately.

And finally, Lou said he had a surprise dessert for us. I was expecting an ice cream sundae bar, but instead Lou had flown in his son and his friends for a night out on the town with us…Right at the end of our delicious meal, Lou’s son, only a couple years our elder, showed up with his buddies, limo service and cash to take us wherever our hearts desired. What a trip!

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That summer I was living out of my car post graduation and was staying in San Diego with a couple girlfriends. One night, in a very drunken stupor, I booked a hotel room in Vegas for the next day. When I woke up the next morning to find an email confirmation in my inbox, I demanded the girls call in sick to work and that we drive to Vegas for a quick getaway. (PS This is one of two times I booked a trip to Vegas and didn’t remember until the next morning.)

We spent two nights at the Excalibur, one of which we met up with Lou for drinks while he was in town on business. At the Belaggio Lounge we sat, drank and talked with Lou…I could tell he was pretty drunk when at 3am we ordered a final round of peach cocktails…Lou thought we said bowl of peaches (not sure how he got so confused) and paid the waitress $400 to find us their freshest peaches.

We left Lou shortly thereafter and headed home in our private limo back to the cheap life at Excalibur.

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I haven’t kept in contact much with Lou these days…I do miss our times together…Ironically he wasn’t creepy at all. I know that seems shocking, but he is happily married, lives on a big ranch in Utah and just enjoys life…He gave me one really great piece of advice and that was to live life to it’s fullest…I try to do so everyday in the name of Lou!

Older, but Not Wiser. Back to College We Go…

Typically a three-day weekend is planned months in advance, but this year summer’s busy season distracted my usual social scheduling. This meant our out-of-town destination for Labor Day would have to be a driveable distance and a reasonable price. We talked about our usual stomping grounds (i.e. Tahoe, Vegas, Carmel, etc) but were in the mood for something new.

Everyone I know who attended Cal Poly raves about San Luis Obispo. From the food to the shopping to the nightlife, every aspect of this small oceanside town appealed to us. The clincher? My dear friend Becky offered us her family’s casita three blocks from downtown. Sold.

Friday night we opted to stay in the city after Thurdsay’s shiza show…so we didn’t head out until Saturday.

SIDE NOTE: Thursday evening Christie, Mary and I went to Bistro AIX for a delicious meal and planning session for our upcoming weekend of fun. Several samplings of cheese and grape juice later, Blaire joined us for what would ultimately be an absolute wine-out. We closed out our evening at California Wine Merchant, where I met “Jason Jeffrey.” The rest they say is history. Literally. He was history 12 hours later.

Back to the story at hand…Saturday morning Mary, Christie and I piled into the mini for the four hour drive ahead. While intending to arrive mid-afternoon, we were distracted by brunch at Q and shopping on Clement Street here in city and didn’t arrive until approximately 6pm. Whoops. Becky’s adorable mother met us at the house to let us in. We looked like crap. Thanks to Sgt. Pepper. Apologies to Becky’s mom.

We quickly refreshed and headed downtown to Mary’s restaurant of choice, Luna Red. The place turned out to be absolutely delicious. Seriously the BEST cheese plate we have ever tasted. Not only was the cuisine outstanding, but the cocktails were too! We started off the night right with their infamous whiskey flight: The Irishman. The American. And The Candian.

After several recommendations from the restaurant staff, we headed out to Cielo Cantina, The Creeky Tiki and finally Bull’s Tavern. Naturally we felt most at home at Bull’s, as it was by far the dive-iest of them all.

Here is also where we met the key players of the night…They were as follows…


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Sunday morning we awoke hungover and barely ready to face the day. After much debate I finally arose from bed at approximately 11:30am. Our Luna Red waitress had insisted we do The Cliffs Restaurant for lunch that day, so we did our best to make it there before dinner.

The crazy thing about SLO? Every place you go has live music. It’s crazy. The Cliffs was no different and after sending them a shot of tequila, the members of Northstar Session, Dave, Kane and Matt, joined us for an afternoon of boozing and games.

Post several hours of King’s Cup, it was about time we had some substance. So around 8:30pm we were ready to head back to the house, clean ourselves up and have some dinner back downtown. We made it out just in time for every restaurant to no longer be serving food…that is until we came across Novo. Novo happens to be owned by the same family as Luna Red, where we had previously dined the night before. Shockingly, the owner recognized us and seated us as their last table of the evening.

I’m not sure how, but the Novo staff seemed to instantly fall victim to our advances. Fast forward to 3am, we (Mary, Christie, owner, manager, waiter and myself) were sitting at a table on the heated outdoor patio, red wine flowing and card games fully underway. I’m pretty sure we left around 4am…things were a bit hazy. I am certain, however, we had to walk through the famous creek to get home since the restaurant was completely shut down at this point. Classy.

Monday we hit up the infamous Firestone Grill. Thank goodness for their steak sandwiches, onion rings and fries. Although despite my best efforts, even their greasy grub couldn’t cure me. Check out my look on the ride home. FML.

I miss college.

This Guy is Weird. No Offense to Him. But Seriously.

So stalker may be a bit of an exaggeration, but this dude has been out at the same places the last two weekends and he’s weird.

Exhibit A
This is him staring. Creepy.

Exhibit B
This is him outside of Buckshot waiting in line to come inside. I think he might have caught me pointing. Whoopsie.

I’ll keep you posted (pun intended) on any future sightings.

 

 

 

 

KT’s has Officially Reopened. Things are Headed Downhill for Me.

You remember that show Cheers, right? The bar where everyone’s glad you came. Growing up I would watch that show with my parents and fantasize about a place just like it.**

The doorman greeted you with a “Hey Denise. How you been?” He didn’t waste your precious time requesting an ID, as if the circles under your eyes don’t scream “I’m practically 30. F*&% off.” The bartenders claimed to have a running tab for you that not even your annual bonus could pay off if they actually required payment. The patrons were friends that not only knew your name, but likely your most intimate secrets. For me, this was KT’s.

Just over a year ago this bar closed it’s doors without any notice. Those doors have been closed until now. This past weekend they have opened up to the public under new ownership with no changes to the place itself. The details of its ongoing existence are still fuzzy, but in celebration of the occasion old friends gathered Friday at midnight in the darkness of the bar for a mind eraser and good times. Looking forward to some great stories to come…

** And Yes. At age 6 I was fantasizing about and playing ‘bar’ on roller skates. Oddly enough I didn’t see my parents imbibe a single cocktail until I was in college. Weird, right?

Summertime and the Livin’s Easy

No. “Livin’s easy” is not a euphemism for being a skank…In fact, despite it being Summer of Single Dudes Part II, I’ve been more focused on getting some sun than getting some…

Last I wrote, Christay and I had headed south(pun intended) for a quick trip to Mexico and from there the Summer season really kicked off. Tahoe on the Fourth, a Wedding in the East Bay, a Sweet Sixteen for a princess, Christay’s Birthday, Vegas for a week, Outside Lands Weekend in the City, more East Bay and finally a weekend in Somerset with the roomies. I’m back in the city as of two days ago and it feels great to have a bed to myself and a quiet night to catch up on Jersey Shore, Real Housewives and Teen Mom.

A couple hilarious highlights from the past couple of months…

Boobie Burns…I practically had a third degree burn on my big boob from laying out in Tahoe right after getting back from Mexico. I had to use special plastic surgery tissue repair cream to fight the scaring. I’m an idiot. But for the record, I’m still really freakin’ tan.

 

Lola Loves to Swim…How ridiculous is she?!

 

My Cousin and the Bride to Be, Megs… Chugging a Beer Before the Ceremony at the Church…She’s so classy!

 

The Cupid Shuffle…If you don’t know this song and/or dance. Please download it now. My entire family (aunts, uncles, cousins and parents) learned it and performed it at both the wedding and sweet sixteen. Amazingness.

 

Christie’s Birthday Magnum…While hosting birthday cocktails at our place, our neighbors stopped by and realized it was Christie’s birthday. Only moments later they showed back up at the front door with this and a card. Is Christay a midget or is that a HUGE bottle of wine and wine glass?!

 

Maggie McGarry’s Creepy McCreeperson…Check out the expression on the girls’ faces and Mary’s blatant index finger point at his fake cigarette. WTF Creepy?!

 

Annie & I at the Vegas ER…While at our conference for work, Annie’s previous week’s injury landed us in the ER. While the hospital was clean and the staff attentive, the patients were absolutely horrifying. The icing on the cake was a 60+ year old man, in an electric wheelchair, wreaking of BO and growing a beard to his chest, who shared the following (and yes, these are direct quotes), “Honey…you’re my type of woman,” and only a couple minutes later, “I’m a sadistic mother fucker and I’ll take him back to Alabama and kill him southern style.” Seriously?! The only good out of that trip was the sweet set of wheels we had for the week!

 

Outside Lands Saturday in the City…Due to my stay in Vegas I, unfortunately, missed out on the Outside Land’s Festival, but was able to hang out Saturday PM with those who had attended during the day. That night we met up at our favorite restaurant, Wasabi & Ginger, where we were joined by Mary and her cousin, Mikey. Upon getting seated, Mikey turns to the waiter and requests 6 Kamikazes on his own separate tab. The waiter looked at him funny, clarified the order again and walked away. Now granted Mike is 6’6, but even a dude that tall couldn’t put away 50+ pieces of sushi. Turns out…Mike thought he was ordering 6 Kamikaze shots, not 6 Kamikaze rolls. Classic sushi mix-up, right?

 

Somerset Wine Country…Lo so kindly hosted a group of us at her family’s cabin this weekend where we learned not only do they have delicious and inexpensive wineries within a short drive, but they also have an awesome river to cool down after a long day of boozing and no A/C. Only a short walk from the house, we headed down and met three local mountain dudes to swim and chillax with.

Little did we know, those three local dudes, had made friends with Lo and she had invited them over for drinks that night. Not surprisingly Lo got drunk and passed out only a short time after one of the dudes actually showed up at the house. Alex grew up in the area and had never left. A bonified, but not boneable, mountain man who blatantly attempted to sleep with Crispin,Christay and I. Gross. Absolutely gross.

 

 

All in all…a great summer and can’t wait for what’s to come this Fall.

Mexico…The Reason I Can’t Travel with Christie

It’s been a couple weeks since Christie and I returned from our famed four day extravaganza in Cabo San Lucas. Perhaps you’ve heard a couple of the stories, but in case you haven’t, here’s what I’m willing to share…

It was only seven days prior to what ultimately ended up to be our departure date, that I received a call from Christie with the news there were $280 round trip tickets to Mexico available for the next week. We had absolutely no plan for a vacation, but after a very brief text exchange we deemed it necessary we take advantage of this great deal.

Flash forward to Wednesday morning, passports and luggage in tow, we were on our way to SFO Terminal 2 Virgin Airlines for our flight to Cabo.

Thanks to our friends in the sky, we received several free cocktails en route and were quite, let’s call it, relaxed by the time we touched down. Landing at almost 5pm we were ready for a drink and some dinner, but first we had to check into our resort. This is the view to which we were greeted…Perfection.

We checked into our room and settled in for the evening. After an outstanding meal at the five star restaurant on property, we enjoyed an after dinner cocktail and even got the opportunity to meet their head chef! Of course she didn’t speak english, so it was a very brief encounter.

Aside, we closed out the night early and saved ourselves up for a very long day ahead. We awoke early Thursday morning for our appointments at the spa. After a couple treatments and some well earned time in the sauna and steam room, we headed over to the adult pool for some lunch and cocktails at the swim up bar.

Let me preface the next part of our story with the following: Prior to leaving for our trip, both Christie and I received long lectures from our mothers to avoid certain things in Mexico. For example, we were to not drink the water, spend time with strange men or any strangers for that matter, imbibe any foreign substances (pun intended), visit downtown alone, etc, etc. Over the next 24 hours we proceeded to break every single one of their rules.

Almost immediately after arriving to the pool we met six men on vacation for a bachelor party. These characters included:

  • Hi-Larry-ous the Bachelor
  • Stacks
  • The Window Washer
  • Transformer
  • Note: There were also two other dudes in attendance as well, however we didn’t get to know them as well as the others.
Over the course of the afternoon we enjoyed several shots of the hotel’s best tequila at half price thanks to Christie,  took a lesson in body surfing and buried Christie in the sand. By the end of the afternoon, these lovely gents had offered us an invitation back to their suite. Assuming we would be heading downtown, we got completely dolled up and headed over to their place a couple buildings over. Wrong.
Upon arrival we quickly realized the boys had settled in for the night and we’d be spending the evening on the resort in their sweet. But don’t worry…we found a way to pass the time…(get your head out of the gutter)…we taught them King’s Cup!

It wasn’t but a couple hours into the night when we ran out of chi-chi’s and had to order more booze. Nice work Christie.

I think it might have been the final bottle of vodka that threw me for a loop, but my memory blurs a bit after this point.

The next day we awoke after only a few hours of sleep to find my camera missing and only a short time to make it downtown to catch our snorkeling day trip. I had a sneaking suspicion it might be at the pool, which was open 24 hours, but when I arrived it was nowhere to be found. Disappointed I headed back to my room only to run into a woman on the foot path who asked if I was looking for my camera. She had just turned it into Lost & Found. I then realized she would have had to review the pictures to know it was my camera. Very very very embarrassing.

Needless to say we did make it onto our snorkeling trip, which turned out to be an open bar. Score!

When we returned back to the hotel we had several drive by visits from the bachelor party, however we failed to take our mother’s advice again and drank not the water, but the cocktails with the ice on the boat that afternoon. We were down for the count until we headed to the airport the next morning. It didn’t matter though. There was no way we could have topped Thursday anyway.

De nada Mexico. De nada.

 

Another One Bites the Dust

Yes…another one is soon to be off the market, so of course, it was time for a bachelorette party. Only one week past, friends and family of my eldest female cousin, Megs, joined together in South Shore Tahoe to say good bye to her single days! Although I don’t consider myself a connoisseur of the south shore, I do consider myself a professional planner of good times no matter the destination.

With food and beverage in tow we headed up Friday afternoon for check in at the cabin. A quaint little home for ten, it was the perfect place to celebrate. We quickly settled in, decorated the house and prepared for our night on the town. Megs had selected this place called Fire & Ice near Heavenly (no offense Megs), but I was not terribly impressed. Quite honestly I was happy to walk out of there without food poisoning. The drinks, however, were perfectly strong and everyone was definitely ready to party and dance by our last trip to the buffet. From dinner we walked through the casinos, heading to our ultimate destination of Mont Bleu.

On our way there we ran into a couple friends from Folsom, as well as some new friends made during a random dance off. Distracted there we imbibed a couple shots while Megs downed her xth glass of Chardonnay. So classy. Finally, after the bride to be had tossed her last set of beads, we made our way to the club, Opal Lounge. Lucky for us, it was Ladies Night, which meant $10 cover and free unlimited cocktails. (Winning!) We danced our faces off until our feet were so soar I could barely make it to the cab line.

Saturday afternoon was filled with a whole lot of nothing. Sun bathing, a jacuzzi and movie classics from the 80′s and 90′s helped to pass the time. I was glad to see the girls resting up because despite the fact that we were staying in, I had a surprise named “Timothy” coming their way.

No bachelorette would be complete without a stripper, however this is my second experience booking a performer and both times I’ve been jipped! (See Sharon Says Shalom to Singledom).

See I ordered this 28-year old guy…

But instead, I got this 40-year old guy…(and yes, that’s tiger print with fringe.)

Despite the mix-up, the night was hilarious-fun and a great closeout to our weekend… Oh and in case you hate reading (lazyass) and just want to skip to the good stuff, here’s a quick video recap. Enjoy.


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SOSD II: Luisa’s Look on Love

I’m assuming if you live in San Francisco, particularly in the hood, you’ve been to either Delaney’s or Notte …Or perhaps you know her from the 2007 lawsuits she faced after closing a well known establishment by the name of Johnny Barleycorns downtown. Her name is Luisa Hanson and she seems to have been around San Francisco as long as the Marina has been built on rubble.

Whether you’re a fan of her cuisine or can’t stand her code of business, you’ve got to admit, she’s got an interesting perspective on life and is always willing to share. New Year’s Eve of my senior year in college I fancied her bar, Notte, for an underage  hotspot with dancing, cocktails and a short line for the restroom.After I moved to the city it took only a couple of months to discover I in fact lived only two blocks from my NYE shitshow, as well as it’s accompanying restaurant, Luisa’s.

Both being Italian and enjoying a quiet night out I have found her flagship restaurant to be one of my local favorites, especially because you get to see what Luisa’s got new on the menu (and I’ve not talking about the entrees).

She is always ready to dish some advise…some of my favorites…”You so sweet. You best to move to the midwest. A man will appreciate you there.” or ”Why is she single? She’s stubborn, isn’t she? I like her.” or “She’s so pretty. She has a boyfriend, doesn’t she?” or my favorite, “You have big boobs. That intimidates men. That’s why you single.”

Recently we visited the restaurant for a nice dinner with some friends in town and ended up staying around for a couple hours to chat.

After a couple hours of yammering from Luisa about getting aggressive in our search for love we walked approximately 100 feet to the back bar Notte to find a man.

Shockingly enough I did meet a man that night. His name was Nick and he lived right here in the hood. Unfortunately it was several hours later I realized Nick was anything but single. I’m suspicious Luisa put him up to it, but I guess I’ll never know. I’m just thankful this one wasn’t married!

How to Crush Union Street Festival

As you may have hard this year’s Union Street Festival was a dry one. After attending on Saturday afternoon I would call the whole thing an arts and crafts faire, however, despite the lack of rock and roll music and beer gardens, there were still plenty of drunken good times.

Here are a couple of my favorite Yelp reviews about the event (Yes, these are direct quotes):

  • Not even a monsoon could slow these Marina girls down.
  • Sorry for (1) Partying & having fun at a festival, (2) not being a grandma, and (3) living life a little.
  • The order of the day is booze, teriyaki chicken skewers, funnel cakes, and easy women. Dear Marina, please don’t ever change.
  • Not college age and yet we stayed for hours! I guess it’s just our love for SF, it’s neighborhoods and it helps we don’t live nearby!
  • This is only for people with no class or any kind of education.

As you can see, the event sounds completely like something my friends and I would absolutely LOVE! I don’t know if it was the rebellious air about the event, but everyone seemed to be out and ready to rage. After Mary and I celebrated a birthday with brunch at The Republic (delicious, BTW), we met up with the Sausage Prince at Perry’s. He was already five bloody’s and 2 shots deep. It was catch up time.

Walking through the festival we were instantly tempted by the bar in the window at Marengo. I though to myself, “This isn’t the usual set up, looks like fun!” Luckily we got in early and grabbed a table before the flood of people came pouring in. We ended up staying there the entire afternoon. The owner, Jim, was in a great mood since he had just proposed to our favorite waitress Leslie (and she said yes), so the drinks were pouring heavier than usual thanks to him. I, admittedly, enjoyed more Lemonade & Whiskey’s than I care to count…Not to mention the Fried Chicken Sliders on the side.

Over the course of the day all sorts of friends came in to join us…we had Folsom, Santa Clara and San Francisco alike cozied up to our table! Around 6pm we finally pussed out and headed to Betelnut for some dinner. At $50 a person I presume we devoured pretty much every item on the menu (sans seafood for me, of course).

Oh and thanks for Icing me at dinner Becky. Touche. (See more on Icing from Last Year’s Union Street)

From there we headed to Mauna Loa where we convinced some guy this hat represented the number of people we’d slept with…he was disgusted…we were in hysterics. (Oh and that’s a crazy wo-man standing behind me.)

After Marengo we crawled from Republic to Monaghans and finally to Patxis where we closed out the night with some chicago style pizza and a lot of sauvignon blanc.

Thanks to Union Street Festival and my ridiculous friends for another fantastic Saturday Faturday. We really crushed it.


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Another Happy Hour, Another Happy Ending

Get your head out of the gutter…just because I’m out for cocktails at happy hour, doesn’t mean I’ve landed a happy ending in my boudoir. (Not to say the thought didn’t cross my mind.)

Aside, every couple of months my buddy Andy and I plan a gathering of friends, co-workers neighbors and family at a local pub for after work drinks. A couple Thursdays back we met up at Comstock Saloon with the crowd. After only about 20 minutes we realized despite how delicious and powerful Pisco Punch we were too many to stay at this location and had to make a last minute change to Kels (yes I said it).

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If you’re looking for your happy in San Francisco, check out some recommendations A to Z from your very own Eat, Drink & Be Mary:

From 5:30-7 it’s $10 for a flight of 3 wines of your choice.
Great specials Mon-Fri, 3-6:30 onwine, beer, cocktails, and food.
5-7 daily. Enjoy a dozen oysters for $12 and a pint of beer fr $2.50.
5-7 every night. $3 Guinness and all other draft beers are buy one get one free!
Although their food and drinks are definitely worth non happy hour prices, they tend to have specials Mon-Fri before 7pm. Usually there are some special cocktails and bar bites.
Take part in their awesome happy hour menu which includes many delicous Peruvian cocktails and dishes. Mon-Fri from 3-6.
Their various locations around SF have different happy hour deals on food and drinks. It’s definitely worth a look!
Ottimista
You can get $5 glasses of wine and well cocktails Tues-Fri, 4-6. They also have some delicious food specials.
5-7 every day. $5 apps and $5 glasses of red and white wine. $3 beers and $10 wine flights.
They have nightly specials Mon-Fri, 4-7.
Prospect
An assortment of happy hour priced cocktails and snacks Mon-Fri, 4-6
Solstice
$2 off of all drinks and select restaurant favorites food items Mon-Fri, 5-6:30
Their happy hour drink deals change nightly and are good between 4:30 and 6:30. Examples include $19 pitchers of margaritas and half price pitchers of Sangria.
Every night from 5:30 to 7pm enjoy their happy hour food menu and half off all bottles of wine!
$5 beer, wine champagne and well drinks. Also choose from some great appetizers like Shishito Peppers, Beef Kebabs, and Lobster Dumplings.