Ongoing
Every Thursday: Nightlife at California Academy of Sciences

April
Friday, April 6: A’s Home Opener Game
Friday, April 13: Giants Home Opener Game
Sunday, April 19: Opening Day on the Bay
Saturday, April 28: San Francisco International Beerfest

May
Sunday, April 29: 2011 Opening Day on the Bay
Saturday, May 5: Cinco de Mayo &  SCU Day at the Giants
Saturday, May 19: O’Reily’s Beer & Oyster Festival & Uncorked Wine Festival
Sunday, May 20: Bay to Breakers
Saturday, May 26 & Sunday, May 27: Carnaval

June
Friday, June 1 – Friday, June 15: Dine About Town
Saturday, June 2 & Sunday, June 3: Union Street Festival
Sunday, June 10: Haight Street Faire
Saturday, June 16 & Sunday, June 17: North Beach Festival
June 17 through August 28: Stern Grove Music Festival
Saturday, June 23 & Sunday, June 24: San Francisco Pride

July
Wednesday, July 4 Independence Day: Fireworks on the Bay
Saturday, July 2 & Sunday, July 3: Fillmore Jazz Festival

August
Mid-August: Dates TBD: Outside Lands Music Festival

September
Friday, September 1 – Sunday, September 3: Sausalito Art & Wine Festival
Saturday, September 8 & Sunday, September 9: Ghirardelli Square Chocolate Festival
Saturday, September 15 & Sunday, September 16: International Dragon Boat Festival
Saturday, September 22 & Sunday, September 23: Polk Street Jazz Festival
Sunday, September 23: Folsom Street Faire
Friday, September 28: Oktoberfest by the Bay

October
Friday, October 5 through Sunday, October 7: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival
Sunday, October 7: Castro Street Faire
Thursday, October 4 – Monday, October 8: Fleet Week
Saturday, October 13 & Sunday, October 15: Half Moon Bay’s Pumpkin Festival & Treasure Island Music Festival

Here are a couple of my favorite Yelp reviews about the event (Yes, these are direct quotes):

• Not even a monsoon could slow these Marina girls down.
• Sorry for (1) Partying & having fun at a festival, (2) not being a grandma, and (3) living life a little.
• The order of the day is booze, teriyaki chicken skewers, funnel cakes, and easy women. Dear Marina, please don’t ever change.
• Not college age and yet we stayed for hours! I guess it’s just our love for SF, it’s neighborhoods and it helps we don’t live nearby!
• This is only for people with no class or any kind of education.

As you can see, the event sounds completely like something my friends and I would absolutely LOVE! I don’t know if it was the rebellious air about the event, but everyone seemed to be out and ready to rage. After Mary and I celebrated a birthday with brunch at The Republic (delicious, BTW), we met up with the Sausage Prince at Perry’s. He was already five bloody’s and 2 shots deep. It was catch up time.

Walking through the festival we were instantly tempted by the bar in the window at Marengo. I though to myself, “This isn’t the usual set up, looks like fun!” Luckily we got in early and grabbed a table before the flood of people came pouring in. We ended up staying there the entire afternoon. The owner, Jim, was in a great mood since he had just proposed to our favorite waitress Leslie (and she said yes), so the drinks were pouring heavier than usual thanks to him. I, admittedly, enjoyed more Lemonade & Whiskey’s than I care to count…Not to mention the Fried Chicken Sliders on the side.

Over the course of the day all sorts of friends came in to join us…we had Folsom, Santa Clara and San Francisco alike cozied up to our table! Around 6pm we finally pussed out and headed to Betelnut for some dinner. At $50 a person I presume we devoured pretty much every item on the menu (sans seafood for me, of course).

Oh and thanks for Icing me at dinner Becky. Touche. (See more on Icing from Last Year’s Union Street)

From there we headed to Mauna Loa where we convinced some guy this hat represented the number of people we’d slept with…he was disgusted…we were in hysterics. (Oh and that’s a crazy wo-man standing behind me.)

After Marengo we crawled from Republic to Monaghans and finally to Patxis where we closed out the night with some chicago style pizza and a lot of sauvignon blanc.

Thanks to Union Street Festival and my ridiculous friends for another fantastic Saturday Faturday. We really crushed it.

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As if we’re living in 1957, when liquor and rock n roll were viewed as the devil, both the beer gardens and music tents will not be present at this year’s fair. SFist claims “Another battle lost in War on Fun.”

So now what I am supposed to do on Saturday, June 4?

Friday night started like any other, dinner and drinks with the girls. We decided to give Brixton another chance for a meal, so it was Christie, Mary, Blaire and I there for the evening. After a full feast of truffled deviled eggs, fried chicken salad and several John Daly’s, we headed to none other than the Mauna Loa to meet up with the crew.

Luckily I was able to continue my cocktail trend with John Daly’s, the Loa’s daily special, at $5 each. However, somewhere between Pop-a-Shot and a game of I’ve Never things got a little blurry. Next thing I know we’re in Doug’s new apartment, which featured awkwardly posed childhood photos of him, Mary and their cocker spaniel.

I’d like to think I was high and imagining such ridiculousness, but unfortunately I wasn’t. I heart Mary and Doug!

Next we headed to Fiddler’s Green for some dancing and flirting with post college-age men, or shall I say boys. The night quickly came to a close and the DJ was suddenly making last call. In an attempt to avoid Pier 39 cab mayhem, we walked up the street and away from the bar.

I know I sound like a total wuss, but after only a couple blocks my ankle was killing me (see Cinco de Mayo for details on that) and I separated from the group. I’m proud to say I’m incredibly crafty when it comes to poppin’ a squat and have friends good enough to pick me up in a cab before anyone caught onto my public indecency.

In the spirit of those at Fiddler’s we closed the night out at McEvoy’s after party back in the hood. What seemed like a throw back frat party, was a bunch of 30 year olds drinking bud light and cheap vodka crowded around a table of flip cup. After only ten minutes there, I was somehow drenched in beer and my new silk top was ripped right down the front. The silver lining? My hair had a phenomenal sheen Saturday morning. The downside? Explaining to Anna, my alterations he/she, how my top ended up split right down my cleavage.

After only a couple hours of sleep that night it was no surprise we were all running late and hungover for Beer & Oyster Festival Saturday morning…The day and the festival were amazing. I ultimately proved to Mary that nine drink tokens was not a good idea, it was a great idea! Enjoy…

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Cheers to festival season!

APRIL

Friday, April 1
A’s Home Opener Game

Friday, April 8
Giants Home Opener Game

Saturday, April 16
San Francisco International Beerfest

Sunday, April 17
A Taste of Tequila & Tamales by the Bay (Yes. They have added Tequila tastings this year.)

MAY

Sunday, May 1
2011 Opening Day on the Bay

Wednesday, May 5
Cinco de Mayo

Saturday, May 7
SCU Day at the Giants

Saturday, May 14
O’Reily’s Beer & Oyster Festival

Sunday, May 15
Bay to Breakers (100-Fucking-Years!)

Saturday, May 21
Uncorked Wine Festival

JUNE

Saturday, June 4 & Sunday, June 5, 10am-6pm
Union Street Festival

Sunday, June 12
Haight Street Faire

Saturday, June 18 & Sunday, June 19
North Beach Festival

Saturday, June 18 (It’s just the beginning…)
Movies in the Park…Caddyshack

Sunday, June 19 – August 21
Stern Grove Music Festival

Saturday, June 25 & Sunday, June 26
San Francisco Pride

JULY

Saturday, July 2 & Sunday, July 3
Fillmore Jazz Festival

Monday, July 4
Independence Day
Fireworks on the Bay

AUGUST

Friday, August 12 – Sunday, August 14
Outside Lands Music Festival

Yes. My theme party was “Mustache & Cleavage.” (And yes, I know mustache is mispelled). Aside, as with any theme party my costume was not without.

The day started like every other…cocktails and costume prep at our place. The night before all of the girls had stayed over for a sleepover party filled with wine, gossip and dance party 2 on the wii. The spend-the-night made getting ready for the day very easy…everyone was there to ensure we had enough cleavage and plenty of mustaches. I would offer to show photos, however on our way from the apartment to O’Reily’s in North Beach, my camera was left in the cab. (Insert sad face here.)

The only other photo I have from the day is this, which clearly took place at the end of the afternoon.

So sue me…I needed a nap…

From O’Reily’s to Rogue our afternoon was filled with many cocktails, lots of stories, several new friends (young and very old) and tons of laughter. I personally enjoyed the Porche salespeople hitting on every female in sight, the homegrown mustaches from the likes of Danny and Garrett and the ridiculousness of everyone’s overall “look” for the day.

Around 5pm (I think) we finished our afternoon in the sun and decided it was time for dinner…I had sliders on the mind, so we headed to Marengo. I’m not exactly sure how things went so quickly from hot to not so hawt, but the next thing I knew Lauren and I were sans sliders and rolling around the patio floor.

Sean insisted we go home at that point (shocker), but I insisted on Chinese. After he returned me safety to our apartment, he headed back out with our friends. Once the coast was clear I hopped in a cab, picked up Mary (who was for whatever reason was at La Barca) and headed to Dragon Well for a feast. Around 7pm I called it a night.

All in all the day was a amazing and I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday with better friends and family.

(Seriously, I’m so friggin blessed, it’s ridiculous.)

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Patrick had invited over 40 people to our place for brunch that morning so we had to be up and ready to go early. (Typical.) We supplied the food and guests provided the booze…Lauren cooked up a storm! French toast casserole, coffee cake, jalapeno-cheddar biscuits, sausage and tons of tots filled our kitchen! After a fulfilling breakfast feast, we stocked up on peppermint schnapps and mimosas…

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Even Lola jumped in on the fun!

After brunch we hopped on the MUNI to meet up with the Santa pub crawl near Civic Center. Just a couple of Santas looking for a good time…

Caroling was definitely in order, and while I think we scared a couple homeless people riding alongside us, for the most part I think the general public enjoyed our singalongs. (I don’t think, however, anyone enjoyed my conversation with Mike as to how I made this year’s naughty list, but that’s normal.)

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We landed at the end of Van Ness in the Pulk Gulch and hit up our first bar, HaRa. Here we discussed our morning show concept over a couple delicious irish coffees. Our idea is to conduct live podcasts every Sunday to recap our weekend. We would feature segments such as “Bottomless Mimosas for Under $10″ or “Pizza, Chinese or Sushi?” or “Top Ten Rolling Blackouts.” After I had captured our ideas on Rico Suave (that’s my iPhone), the troops rallied and we headed to our next stop, McTeague’s on Polk.

On our walk over our two little reindeer, playing their reindeer games, completely ate shit on the street while trying to give one another piggy back rides. Nice work ladies. Clearly only a glimpse of what was to come…

We arrived to McTeague’s shortly after 12pm, which meant it was socially acceptable at this point to begin taking shots. (And trust me mom, I’m not the only one who thinks this is legit.) Unfortunately for us, after barely pounding a shot of Jameson, our friend Mike was kicked out of the bar after a run in with the bouncer. As a result, the troops were yet again rallied and pointed to our next destination…

The walk to Big Foot Lounge was one of epic proportion…At this point the streets were really starting to fill up…cue the crazies:

First, Forrest aka ‘Castro Claus” hoisted Anna up into a window display at the GNC.

Mary unwrapped a present!

Then we met “Poinsetta.” And yes, those are santa hat cone breasts, ruffled underwear and a belt made of joints. As my father would say, only in San Francisco.

And finally, what made us through the home stretch to Washington Street, was the purchase of Smucker’s chocolate fudge to chase our peppermint schnapps. Peppermint Patty Shots in the face!

Once we finally made it  Big Foot Lounge we hung out for a bit, took a potty break and posed for some group pics…

The bar was a sea of Santas. At this point the group really required nourishment, so we broke up the pack and headed our separate ways…Several people ended up at Nick’s Crispy Tacos, but I, along with several key players, instead headed to Bell Tower for potato skins and nachos!

Not going to lie…at this point things get a little hazy. Christie definitely stole a stranger’s potato skin, Mary tried to exit through a very tiny door and I definitely challenged two strangers to see who could pee the quickest in the bathroom line (and I won).

After satiating our need for sustenance, we met up with a couple new peeps, enter Bobby aka “The Sausage King” and a couple other new dudes. We walked from Bell Tower through the Broadway Tunnel to O’Reily’s. I spent the majority of my time here talking with “The Sausage King” himself.

Get your heads out of the gutter. I’m literally talking about his business, Aidells…I’m fuzzy on the details, but I’m pretty sure I negotiated my way to a case of sausages…

At this point it’s around 5pm…I’m guessing. From O’Reily’s we went to Maggie McGarry’s where I spent the majority of my evening…Since it was still early, there was no live music, but we made the most of the christmas carols playing on the radio…(Well except for Milo…he lost his christmas cheer when he realized I got him on video dancing to Mariah Carey. Check out the last couple of seconds of this video.)

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By 8pm almost everyone had abandoned me…Left standing were Mary, Milo and a couple new guys named Nick and Armand. We hit up Savoy where Nick lost a game of Rock Paper Scissors and had to take off his shirt. (The next day Mary and I realized what a stupid bet that was…What if we had lost and had to take off our tops?!?) At the end of the night we went back to Maggie’s to dance to some live music where Milo finally biatched out and went home.

Mary and I powered through til about 2am, when we closed down The Buccaneer. Met this guy outside the bar…I think this about sums up the close of our evening…

PS Doesn’t Milo make an amazing bad santa?

Nothing says Merry Christmas quite like a parade of drunken santas throughout cities across the globe, including our very own San Francisco. Every year a team of elves (yes, they seriously wear elf costumes and have walkie talkie headsets) orchestrate a massive pub crawl through the streets of San Francisco.

The meeting location and route are announced the evening before the crawl. The morning of we typically start off with a brunch and several cocktails. This year was no different. Having recently discovered brunch at Izzie’s, a group of us Santas, Tiny Tim and one reindeer, hit up omelets, creamed spinach and LOTS of mimosas for a balanced breakfast to start our day of adventure. Typical crew was in tow, Mary, Kellan, Rose, Blaire, Brooks,  etc, etc.

After brunch we met up with Danny, Lauren and the several thousand Santas in the tenderloin around noon…Over the course of the next several hours we proceeded to get pretty drunk. We traveled from the loin, down Polk street and I believe we even had a drink or two in North Beach. Somewhere along the route this photo was taken and featured in a local San Francisco paper. (That’s a couple of our Jewish Santa friends and me looking jolly as ever in the background.)

We continued on our track landing back in the Marina, enjoying several more cocktails at KTs’ (RIP) From there I headed over to the always classy La Barca Mexican Restaurant (more commonly known to locals as La Barf-a). A bunch of Santa Clarans were there celebrating Kevin’s birthday. None of these people had attended Santacon, which meant I was one of about three people who were dressed in a head to toe Santa costume. Of these Santa Clarans happened to include a guy who I shall call “Off Limits”  that I had hooked up with NYE of my senior year in college at Notte on Union Street. (That’s also a great story that I will share at a later time and date.)

Upon seeing “Off Limits,” I was immediately reminded of our past times good times. This is a rare occasion for me to get aggressive, but for whatever reason “Off Limits” did it for me. However, before I could even think about pursuing “Off Limits” I had to cool down! My Santa costume was hot as balls! Luckily my P.I.C. showed up just in time. Christie and I immediately game planned. We approached the last couple eating in the restaurant and requested a knife from their table. Barely a foot from where they were eating we began sawing off my costume with the serrated utensil. After a substantial amount of breathing room was provided, I was back in action for Mr. “Off Limits” and kindly returned theur knife.

I aggressively pursued him and in the most romantic tone possible (insert sarcasm), he asked me to meet him in the bathroom. After little thought and minimal discussion with my P.I.C. as to whether or not this was a good idea, I headed straight for the restroom to meet Mr. “Off Limits.” Despite what I’ve heard from several friends and acquaintances, hooking up in a bathroom is not glamourous or hot. In fact, after only a couple quick smooches, we passed on the idea all together. (Of course it could have also had something to do with the fact that I was dressed like Santa Claus.Hmmm…)

Looking forward to Santacon 2010.

Saturday, December 4
Santacon
If you’ve never been to Santacon, otherwise known as Santarchy, it is a sight to see. In the coming weeks I’ll fill you in on my 2009 Santacon experience, but for now, let’s just say it’s time to suit up Santas!

Thursday, December 9
Guardsmen Crab Feed
What’s not to like? Christmas! Crab! (Except that I’m terribly allergic to crab. But it still makes for a fantastic time!)

Saturday, December 11
The Elf Party
If you were able to score tickets, I’m completely jealous. I’ve never been but have heard great things!

Thursday, December 16
First Annual Christmas Lights Trolley Tour
All the credit for this one goes out to Varni who came up with the brilliant idea of taking a trolley tour of the San Francisco christmas lights! I’m sure the weather will be frightful, but the cocktails so delightful!

Saturday, December 18
Guardsmen Christmas Tree Lot Party
Nothing makes me happier than Christmas trees! I don’t know who came up with the idea, but every year the Guardsmen throw a huge holiday bash amongst their charitable christmas tree lot. It’s fantastic!

So Saturday morning we started the day with a little brunch at our place. Nothing too fancy just some cheesy eggs, sausage, bagels and copious amounts of champagne. By 11am we were headed down to Pier 49 to board Jeremiah O’Brien (get your head out of the gutter, it’s a ship). The day was filled with nautical wear, peeing behind semis, live music and dancing.

Once we were done with the ship, we headed over to the all-too-classy Hooters for some wings and cerveza! The evening closed with a dance party back in our kitchen (per usual)…We may have even headed out for a nightcap or two, but things were a bit hazy.

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All in all, the weekend was a blast and with Fleet Week Saturday only five days and counting, I couldn’t possibly be more excited to celebrate America this Saturday with all of you! See you at Chrissy Field!