In January, my dear friend Milo (aka my Sugar Daddy) announced to us that he would finally be taking the plunge and was moving out of Pacifica and into the city. This brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined…until…he announced that to celebrate his move, he would have a housewarming event Jersey Shore Style. I didn’t think it was possible, but he outdid himself and I was estatic!
The party took place on Saturday night (after Friday’s Blonde Bombshell shenanigans). I began preparing my ensemble about two weeks prior. My research included marathons of Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of NJ and The Nanny, as well as key word google searches including, but not limited to: The Situation, Snookie, Wet Seal, fake tanner, etc. LESSON ONE: I discovered several themes here: dresses are short, heels are high, breasts are large and body is tan.
I, along with my fun-time colleagues, take costumes very serious. Three days prior to the event we began a tanning regimen. I was slightly concerned about showing up to work on Monday with an orange tint, but I was reassured by the label it would wash off…(I’m very trusting of packaging).
On Saturday evening, I completed my final tan. My hair was colored black, teased and thrown up in a claw clip. My ensemble was completed with a negligee, blazer and heels. Our ‘getting ready party’ took a couple hours, but was totally worth it. The result was this:
(SIDE NOTE: A ‘getting ready party’ is simply a gathering of ladies, and sometimes gay men, at a time where ensemble requires in-the-moment feedback. To officially be titled a ‘getting ready party’ three people must be in attendance and it must only be held under the following circumstances: costume or theme party, NYE, Halloween, Birthdays or Bachelorette Party. In college these occurred nightly in the dorms and at Cozy, but now that I’m a real person, it takes a lot more to justify.)
Back to the Shore…I was impressed to see 85% off the guests had opted to participate in the theme. Typically you don’t see these kinds of numbers. This only goes to show how clearly amazing (and manipulative) Milo and his three fantastic-lady roommates are. Here are just a couple of Jersey Shore-esque examples of clothing and accessories I thought were worth featuring…
Coy & Bedazzled Muscle Tee / Bling Watch that Spins / Booty Shorts & Ed Hardy Tee / Press On Nails
The night began with a little vodka/cran flip cup…Unfortunately for everyone (except me) the keg was tapped upon our arrival, so we were stuck with the good stuff…Milo even trusted us with glass cups. We were there for a couple of hours…we did it up fresh and Italian style…
As the party started to die down Mary and I decided it would be best to head to the bars to try and meet up with anyone who was still out…(Mind you it’s 1am at this point). Sooo we head over to Mauna Loa’s with Brian, completely forgetting we are in the most obscene and slutty outfits ever. As I get out of the cab, I immediately feel eyes stare at my from a distance. Lots of judging going on here, but it’s mostly females giving us dirty looks.
LESSON TWO: The way to a man’s heart is apparently through my breasts. I don’t think it’s a shock to anyone to say I have large breasts but I pride myself on not dressing like a sleuter showing them off all the time. The Jersery Shore costume was an exception and made quite an impact on the Triangle vicinity between the hours of 1:00 & 2:00am on Sunday morning.
After the bars we headed over to Jon and Brian’s with Brian and Dave…After passing out for a bit to Super Troopers, I thought it best to head home to spend the night with my puppy. John kindly walked me out and hailed me a cab. Upon entering the cab, the driver inquired “Is that your boyfriend?” I replied, “No, just a friend.” And he replied, “You mean a client?” WTF? During Sunday morning’s ESW brunch recap, I came to learn Mary too had been mistaken for a prostitute on her way back to my place…
After seeing this photo, it came to no surprise to learn LESSON THREE: It’s easy to be mistaken for a hooker in the middle of the night when you’re dressed like you’re at the shore. (Note: How ridiculously tan I look in comparison to Mary.)
P.S. You wondered why I named this site “I Left My Dignity in San Francisco.” I can practically name the cross streets of where my dignity remains…Van Ness and Green in this case.