It was just a week ago Lola made a very expensive trip to the vet suffering from a horrendous stomach virus. Only a week after recovery, Lola reverted to her trash-mongering ways this evening.

I had just let her outside and after only a short five minutes, Lola comes back into the apartment, dragging something through the hallway. She then proceeds to approach my bedroom doorway and drops her special treat on the hardwood floor.

It’s a WHOLE ENTIRE CHICKEN! Seriously Lolita?!

I don’t know where she finds this stuff. I am telling you I couldn’t make this shiza up if I tried really, really hard.

Preparing for such an event can take time, so we thought it best to take Friday off of work just to be safe. Thursday evening included watching the game at City (aka Shitty) Tavern, then pool at The Horseshoe, then pop-a-shot at Mauna Loa’s, then shameless flirting at Blue Light and finally back to Mauna Loa’s for more pop-a-shot.

After Mary and I cheered Milo on over several rounds of pop-a-shot, we called it a night. Although our evening ended a bit late, Mary, Milo and I headed home with a plan of starting our day early for Friday brunch.

SIDE NOTE: I’d like to take a brief moment to talk about the bartender at Blue Light….I would not consider Blue Light to be one of my favorite hangouts. In fact the only thing I really like about it is that is was the first bar I went to the night I moved into the city. Aside from that, nothing special. However, this bartender, let’s call him Pete since I have no idea what his real name is, seems to be convinced that he knows me as a ‘regular’ and insists on providing me free shots of Jameson while we deduce how we know one another. At first I thought this was a means of flirtation, but after meeting his girlfriend at Pier 23 the next day, I’m not so sure. So can it really be an obsessed sense of curiosity? I think it’s kind of creepy…

Fast forward to Friday morning, or should I say afternoon, when we finally make it to Union Street Cafe around noon for some bacon and eggs. Walking up and down Union, the street was packed. What the heck kind of jobs do people have that they can sit at Perry’s and drink all day? I’m jealous.

After our morning game plan session Mary and I headed to Costco to pick up $300 worth of vodka and beer. After getting into a face off over a parking spot with some crazy biatch in a silver pontiac, Mary and I finally parked the car 20 minutes later. Several people witnessed me, in my yellow beetle, smack talking this grown woman to her face. (It happens.) One such eye witness was a young man named Omar. At the end of our shopping trip we ran into Omar in the parking lot again and he told us he owned a taqueria in the mission. He gave us a business card to come in and get a free taco. Little does he know we have plans to go see him this coming Wednesday.

SIDE NOTE: Costco is a breeding ground for single dudes.

So now it’s Friday afternoon and Mary and I are thirsty. We drop off the goods at home, pick up Lolita and head to Pier 23 for some sun and Angels’ flying time. By the end of the afternoon Mary and I had been joined by Danny, Lauren, Greg, Kim, Jackie, Jessalyn, Mike, etc. Solid group. The angels practice session went swimmingly and we were highly motivated for a night on the town.

We came home, dropped off Lolita and quickly changed to hit up Bell Tower for our second night of baseball watching. Bell Tower resulted in several good times, as well as an incredibly expensive tab that Milo ultimately paid 50% of. Thanks Milo.

From there we headed over to The Buccaneer and were joined by additional players, Dave and his new roommate Pat, along with Ryan, Ben and Kaleb. This part of the evening is a bit blurry, but the pictures are pretty amazing. After a long walk home, Ryan, Ben and I cuddled up for a terribly long and drunken sleep. (PS At what point is it inappropriate to have non-sexual sleepovers with people? Is that now?)

Fast forward to Saturday morning, when Greg called to wake me up at 7am to claim our spot at Chrissy Field. FML. To his defense, this was my request and looking back I’m glad he did it, but it sure blew at the time. So Lauren, Mary, Lola and I loaded up the goods into Greg’s beast of a vehicle and set up camp at Chrissy Field. I believe we popped the first bottle of champagne around 8am. By 10am I was shocked the angels weren’t flying yet. The weather was amazing, our location incredible and party attendees a blast. A couple quick highlights…

Greg’s Ship Shaped Ice

Lauren Climbing into this Dog Donation Lady’s Buick

Lola’s Balloon

And although there are no photos, I’d also like to mention the portable flip cup table, the professional photo shoot, babysitting a stranger’s children while intoxicated, my lack of sunscreen, spectacular themed ensembles by Pat, Julie and Mary, and finally, the parental units who stuck it out despite the drunken unruliness. It was truly one of my MOST favorite fleet week events…take a look…(this also includes some fantastic footage from Friday night.)

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I can’t forget to mention Saturday night…Because yes, after hauling our stuff and Lola back to the apartment from Chrissy Field I headed out for the evening. We started at Wasabi and Ginger for some sushi and saki. It was at this restaurant where I single handedly ruined a strangers relationship by accidentally mentioning that I knew her boyfriend through a friend, as well as the girl her boyfriend cheated with. Whoopsie. Later that night, while at The Buccaneer for the second night in a row I lost my voice and had to use napkins to communicate. It’s Sunday night and I still can’t speak. Karma is a biatch!

………..

PS…Hey Mary, what are the Blue Angels doing right now? I bet they’re high fiving each other!

Yesterday Lola and I returned from a housesitting gig in the East Bay. While I was unpacking I left the back door to the yard open for Lola to come and go as she needed. After about 30 minutes I realized she’d been gone for a while. I went into the backyard and while I could hear the jingling of her collar, I couldn’t find her anywhere. I finally gave up and assumed she would wander back into the house at her leisure.

I walk into the apartment and hear the tapping of her paws in the hallway, I turn to head towards my room and there she is, sitting right outside my bedroom door. I open my door and walk into my room and there on the carpet is a chicken wing! WTF?! Where did she find a chicken wing? I promptly pick it up and bring it into my roomate’s room to prove that I’m not going crazy and that she is in fact storing pieces of meat in a secret hiding place. I wrap it up in a paper towel and toss it in the trash, hoping this would be the last.

Oh no…This morning I let her out to do her morning biz-nasty and while I’m straightening my har I hear her push through my bedroom door and in her mouth..TWO chicken wings! I’m serious! As if I weren’t already freaked out by the whole spare rib incident, now chicken wings! So creepy!

• Walking sideways when she’s excited.
• Rolling over on her belly when she’s scared.
• A ridiculously long tongue.
• A habit of digging aggressively on hard wood floors for no apparent reason.
• Strange noises (not barking) to express herself.

Aside, I think she is quite adorable. Recently, however, she has started the quirkiest quirk of all.

Throughout the day and night I let Lola into our backyard for a bathroom break and some playtime. Typically she goes out, does her thing and comes running back into the house. In the last two weeks, however, every time she returns, she brings in one to two pork spare ribs. (Seriously.) I’ve tried to locate where she is finding them, but can’t seem to figure it out. How over the course of 14+ days does she keep finding them?! For example, this morning she came into the bathroom while brushing my teeth with two spare ribs. I wrapped those up and threw them away. Then tonight, she shows up with another one!

Who knew…Lola loves spare ribs.

Once we had escaped being kicked out of our Carmel family inn, we headed into the valley for some yummy brunch at Corkscrew Cafe.

Not only was the food delicious, but so was the service. Sean and Dustin were our servers…They were hilarious. They looked twelve years old, but apparently it was only their innocence that kept them looking so young. Well that and their rosey cheeks.

We finished our ‘Ladies Who Lunch” luncheon and popped down the street to Talbott and Georis wineries.

The atmosphere for tastings was beautiful and the company was pretty fantastic as well .

At Talbott we met two adorable couples from Los Angeles. The ladies were sisters and despite both being grandmothers they looked 25. They sat and talked with us for a while offering advice on beautiful skin, local wineries and of course, how to find true love.

At Georis we met Bear, a musician from South Carolina who currently holds the Guinness Book of World Records for finger tapping. He had a snaggle tooth, southern accent and sweet sense of humor. Check him out:

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We had finished up in the Valley and headed back to the hotel. We quickly refreshed and headed out for a late dinner. Unfortunately we didn’t make a reservation at the restaurant Dametra’s, so we put in our name, dropped off our Georis and Talbott wine and headed to Il Fornaio for a couple cocktails in the meantime.

At Il Fornaio we met “B” a bartender who had been working there for over 15 years. Quite entertaining and made one mean pomegranate margarita.

Over the course of the next hour we attempted to hit on a table of men who had obviously just returned from a game of golf. We created a diagram to determine who was single and who was married. Alas. No luck. Again.

After hugging “B” goodbye we headed back over to Dametra’s for some outstanding food, singing, dancing and good times. The restaurant is run by a family of Greek men (i.e. cousins, brothers, grandfather, etc). I emphasize the word family because I felt like it was actually just a group of friends who shared a common interest of good food and good women. We were attended to by at least five male waiters, serenaded by their grandfather and danced adored by a table of Arabic drummers. An interesting experience to say the least.

We finished up our final course and headed back to Brophy’s for Round II. We entered the bar to find all the locals and workers knew us by name. I even got a talking to again by the owner, Chris, about keeping it PG tonight. We dropped off the bottle of wine we didn’t consume at dinner behind the bar and bellied up to a table in the corner next to two hawt single dudes, who I shall call Folsom and Sven.

Folsom and Sven didn’t seem terribly interested at first, however, after joining us for a drink, their attitudes quickly adjusted. Christie pretty quickly decided Sven was heres, despite Jen’s tentative interest. Mary chatted up Folsom, however he was suffering from a recent broken heart and didn’t care too much to take any females serious. With Mary and Christie distracted, Jen and I wandered the other 10 square feet of the bar for any newbies.

Unfortunately there were no newbies, instead  the wedding party from the night before turned up, including Robert. He quickly approached me, stuck his hand inappropriately down my shirt and began making out with me. Chris, the bar owner, quickly reminded us to keep it PG. Robert then decided it was probably a good idea to go back to my hotel room. I agreed.

So I walked over to the table with Sven, Christie, Folsom and Mary to grab my coat. I explained to them my plan and everyone seemed to be in agreement that it was an excellent idea. On my way back to Robert I stopped to talk with this dude who I shall call Tin Cup. Tin Cup was a movie producer from LA who was sitting in the bar with an oversized pair of headphones choosing music for his upcoming movie. He couldn’t tell me what the name of it was but described it as follows:

“It’s a story about a war veteran who comes back to play professional golf. He comes to Carmel, meets a lady and rebuilds his life. Oh and it’s starring Kevin Costner.”

I responded by asking, “Didn’t they already make that movie? It’s called Tin Cup.” He did not think this was clever. He went on to make ridiculous statements like..

“If you don’t have money, you can never be happy.”

“I’m dating a japanese princess. She’s a direct descendant of the emperor. In our spare time she and I run a dog grooming business called Pretty Doggies.”

“Don’t call me sweetheart. My name is ____. Don’t ever call me a pet name again.”

I seriously couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. The true downside of this conversation, outside of feeling dumber, was that Robert thought I was flirting with this 52 year old douche and left the bar giving me a dirty look. So much for going back to the hotel room. So instead the girls and I finished up our cocktails and silently headed back to our hotel room.

Sunday morning we woke up, snuck out of the hotel room and headed over to Big Sur to have brunch at Nepenthe. I was pretty sure Jen and Christie were going to vomit on the windy 30-minute drive. Especially when I started singing showtunes. But we made it there free and clear. No Sunday Funday lunch would do without a refreshing cocktail, especially if daiquiris are on the menu!

The day ended with a long drive back to San Francisco. Lola, wine and dignity in tow…

A great kick off to the Summer of Single Dudes.

On Monday, May 17 we celebrated her life with friends and treats!

Happy Birthday Lolita!

And here’s a glimpse at all the peeps who love you…

Now one year later,  still adorable!

(PS I never thought I would be as creepily obssessed with my dog as I am. barf)

After a Wednesday evening of shenanigans, including sushi at Umami, Jameson at Notte, Mojitos at East Side West, Tequila at KTs and of course wine at Balboa, we closed out the night with a walk home to drop off the birthday girl (literally drop).

Along the way we ended up giving Mary a birthday gift should wouldn’t soon forget…Somehow (and details are blurry) Mary tripped over Jen and landed face first on the sidewalk in front of her apartment.  As Jen rolled her over, I kept yelling “Oh my gawd! Does she have all her teeth?!” Thanks to the heavens above Mary did have all her teeth, but walked away with a couple scratches and a pretty awesome fat lip. The next morning around 5am the following text exchange occured:

Mary: I had to call in b/c I have a FAT lip. I hate u. I’m hungover and have an oozing fat lip. It’s 5:30am ps. I hate u…but love u.
Me: Dude I know. You fell on your face last night. U and Jen tripped and u went face first to the ground.
Mary: Called in (to work) ’fat lip’…literally. U should c it I can’t believe I’m not missing a tooth….I hate u…I mean really? I’m 26 and falling…any chance you have my wallet?

So classic. For the record…more than the amount of liquor she drank, no offense Mary, but YOU ARE SUCH A CLUTZ!

Aside, Thursday night we packed the car and headed up with the girls to Tahoe for a birthday weekend getaway. On Friday, Mary, Brooks and Kel headed up to the slopes, while Stina, Lola and I stayed back at the house…

After a very stressful day (haha…totally not) we headed to the backyard (aka the national park) and popped into the hot tub for some wine and gossip!

That night we had a mini birthday party for Mary, complete with her favorite…ice cream sundaes!

Saturday we decided to take things easy so we headed up to the Lahontan spa for yet another day of hot tubbing, margaritas and girl chat. So much to do, so little time. That night we had reservations at my most favorite Tahoe restaurant, Garwoods! The food is delicious, but the cocktails are to die for! The Wet Woody is AMAZING (note the green straws)!

Of course the tricky thing about the Wet Woodys, just like with any woody, they sneak up on you! We got home and played a couple rounds of “I’ve Never,” learning things about each other we would have never guessed! (Well maybe you could have guessed, in fact with our friends, you could probably just have assumed.)

Aside, the night went on, Bel (Kellan’s alter ego) joined in on the fun…Brooks and I fancied fur…Mary got a 1000yrd stare…so on and so on…

Sunday we got up early (I was shocked too), cleaned up the house (well, okay, I slept in) and we stopped at Red Robin (my former employer and home of the smiling burger). Got back to the city by two and made a delicious family dinner!

Another great weekend…Happy Birthday Mary! Thanks for being born so we could have a fantastic weekend celebration! Looking forward to next year!!

(PS How good do I look in fur? I was totally born in the wrong era.)

Around 11am Greg served me the first of several Irish Car Bombs. By noon several more people joined, including my favorites, Joanie & Chachie (aka my parents) and Steve and Julie, my favorite family friends! Not only was my family there, but little Varni and in-law Varni also joined in on the fun!

Chachie (aka Dad) & Steve / Julie, Joanie (aka Mom) & Nat / Little Varni, in-law Varni & Varni

Even Lola enjoyed a day in the sun! (See Danny does love Lola.)

The day went on…we enjoyed flip cup, beer pong, cigars and good times…One Car Bomb after another, slowly people’s dignity slipped away…

Greg attempted to seduce my mother…

Julie had one too many Car Bombs…

And Brooks, Stina and I figured out what the boys could do with the open space in the family room…

I made it out to Delaney’s that night, but since I had drunkenly brought Lola with me, I only managed to make it through one beer before I decided to head home…Although I did learn she loves the bar just like her mother.

All in all I’m proud to say I made it another year celebrating St Patrick’s Day with my family BUT without peeing my pants! Pat on the back to me…get it?!