How I Countdown to Christmas

The Holiday season thus far has been filled with lots of memories, most of which I was a bit too distracted to take any photos of; that said, I did consider re-enacting all my favorite moments, but everyone thought I was being ridiculous and quickly turned down my idea.

From Jen’s goodbye party to an all day painting extravaganza to a party trolley to a christmas cocktail party or two, the month of December has flown by. A couple highlights…

*A 50 person round of White Elephant with Christie as the MC. They had an entire sound system and microphone set up in Lauren’s room to accommodate the crowd. My favorite exchange was when Sean opened an automated soap dispenser and Christie recommended he use it for lubricant at his bedside instead. Quite clever. Teeheehee.

*Jolly Lolly’s made for an amazing eight hour painting session. And yes, I realize it doesn’t take normal people an entire day to paint four walls, but Mary and I didn’t exactly know what we were doing.

*Christina was once told she would die from consuming too much cheese. So what did we do to celebrate her birthday this year? Fondue. Ironic? Indeed.

*Thursday’s trolley tour was a blast! Thanks to: Greg for the booze, Annie for the Christmas cheer and Milo for Sister Act II sing-a-long! LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa

*Jen’s going away dinner consisted of 17 In n Out burgers and 12 orders of fries. We offered to take here anywhere in the city and this is what she chose. We will miss her dearly.

So now it’s almost time to close out 2010 and bring in 2011…Check back later this week for my first New Year’s Eve in San Francisco recap when my dignity was lost somewhere in the tenderloin around 3am. You read me right. The Tenderloin.

Merry Christmas!

Santacon 2010: How to Make the Naughty List…

This message is courtesy of Patrick. I heart him…

Get ready for Saturday because the bad boys and girls are partying in the streets of San Francisco! Santa just announced his his Lowdown for the HOdown starting times and locations. This year there are 3 routes all starting at 12:30PM at Civic Center. This year also promises to be the biggest SANTACON/SANTARCHY ever with Santas expected to top 2,000!!!

The Routes
1. Civic Center >> Polk Gulch >> Chinatown/North Beach >> Fisherman’s Pier 39 (recommend)
2. Civic Center >> Triple Crown >> Lower Haight >> Upper Haight
3. Civic Center >> Triple Crown >> Market >> Castro

 

Saturday’s To Do List

  • Santa Costume – It can be of any shape and size, but it must be Santa or Christmas related (last year there were reindeer and Jewish santas.)
  • Walking Shoes – Be prepared to walk as Santa needs to shed a few pounds before Christmas. Air Santas work well if you are size 15 or greater.  
  • Beer/Whiskey/Peppermint Schnapps – Santa likes a brown bag , it’s no secret in the North Pole. Bring some of your favorite beer, whiskey, peppermint schnapps to keep Santa warm.
  • Caroling Songs – Santa likes to sing loud. SF Santacon has its own Songbook that includes classic, kid-friendly carols AND your raunchy favorites (download and print the PDF or WORD DOC. Prints on only 3 pieces of paper (double-sided)!
  • Map – YOU hold the reins to Santa’s sleighride! Jump around to different crawls & bars using the map and the Santa-primed bars listed here.
  • Money/ID – Santa plans on spending some money on hookers  when we reach the Loin. Be sure to bring some $$$ and your ID!
  • Backpack – Holds your beer and other shit.  Can be used as a flotation device in the event of a water landing.
  • Umbrella – In case it rains, Santa hates being wet. Maybe bring an umbrella.

 

After this it’s still a mystery, so we’ll go where Santa takes us…

Santacon 2009: How I Made the Naughty List

Before I get into the meaty details of my drunken debauchery, let me establish the setting for such shenanigans…

Nothing says Merry Christmas quite like a parade of drunken santas throughout cities across the globe, including our very own San Francisco. Every year a team of elves (yes, they seriously wear elf costumes and have walkie talkie headsets) orchestrate a massive pub crawl through the streets of San Francisco.

The meeting location and route are announced the evening before the crawl. The morning of we typically start off with a brunch and several cocktails. This year was no different. Having recently discovered brunch at Izzie’s, a group of us Santas, Tiny Tim and one reindeer, hit up omelets, creamed spinach and LOTS of mimosas for a balanced breakfast to start our day of adventure. Typical crew was in tow, Mary, Kellan, Rose, Blaire, Brooks,  etc, etc.

After brunch we met up with Danny, Lauren and the several thousand Santas in the tenderloin around noon…Over the course of the next several hours we proceeded to get pretty drunk. We traveled from the loin, down Polk street and I believe we even had a drink or two in North Beach. Somewhere along the route this photo was taken and featured in a local San Francisco paper. (That’s a couple of our Jewish Santa friends and me looking jolly as ever in the background.)

We continued on our track landing back in the Marina, enjoying several more cocktails at KTs’ (RIP) From there I headed over to the always classy La Barca Mexican Restaurant (more commonly known to locals as La Barf-a). A bunch of Santa Clarans were there celebrating Kevin’s birthday. None of these people had attended Santacon, which meant I was one of about three people who were dressed in a head to toe Santa costume. Of these Santa Clarans happened to include a guy who I shall call “Off Limits”  that I had hooked up with NYE of my senior year in college at Notte on Union Street. (That’s also a great story that I will share at a later time and date.)

Upon seeing “Off Limits,” I was immediately reminded of our past times good times. This is a rare occasion for me to get aggressive, but for whatever reason “Off Limits” did it for me. However, before I could even think about pursuing “Off Limits” I had to cool down! My Santa costume was hot as balls! Luckily my P.I.C. showed up just in time. Christie and I immediately game planned. We approached the last couple eating in the restaurant and requested a knife from their table. Barely a foot from where they were eating we began sawing off my costume with the serrated utensil. After a substantial amount of breathing room was provided, I was back in action for Mr. “Off Limits” and kindly returned theur knife.

I aggressively pursued him and in the most romantic tone possible (insert sarcasm), he asked me to meet him in the bathroom. After little thought and minimal discussion with my P.I.C. as to whether or not this was a good idea, I headed straight for the restroom to meet Mr. “Off Limits.” Despite what I’ve heard from several friends and acquaintances, hooking up in a bathroom is not glamourous or hot. In fact, after only a couple quick smooches, we passed on the idea all together. (Of course it could have also had something to do with the fact that I was dressed like Santa Claus.Hmmm…)

Looking forward to Santacon 2010.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Tis the season for christmas lights, yuletide, egg nog, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and holiday parties! This year marks my fifth Christmas in the city of San Francisco and not unlike the past four, will be filled with the holiday spirit(s)…Join me where you can for the most wonderful time of the year…

Saturday, December 4
Santacon
If you’ve never been to Santacon, otherwise known as Santarchy, it is a sight to see. In the coming weeks I’ll fill you in on my 2009 Santacon experience, but for now, let’s just say it’s time to suit up Santas!

Thursday, December 9
Guardsmen Crab Feed
What’s not to like? Christmas! Crab! (Except that I’m terribly allergic to crab. But it still makes for a fantastic time!)

Saturday, December 11
The Elf Party
If you were able to score tickets, I’m completely jealous. I’ve never been but have heard great things!

Thursday, December 16
First Annual Christmas Lights Trolley Tour
All the credit for this one goes out to Varni who came up with the brilliant idea of taking a trolley tour of the San Francisco christmas lights! I’m sure the weather will be frightful, but the cocktails so delightful!

Saturday, December 18
Guardsmen Christmas Tree Lot Party
Nothing makes me happier than Christmas trees! I don’t know who came up with the idea, but every year the Guardsmen throw a huge holiday bash amongst their charitable christmas tree lot. It’s fantastic!

Summer of Single Dudes Continues On

Summer of Single Dudes has proven to be quite successful. Aside from meeting several men to pursue, we’ve met a whole lot of random people all on the eternal pursuit of fun and good times…

As you know from the launch of SOSD the goal has been to find creative ways (aka not just going to the bars) to meet eligible bachelors. We’ve been to Tahoe, Carmel and all sorts of new venues within the city limits in our search….One of my most favorite locations was right here in our backyard aka the Mission Theatre. Here Mary and I saw “Much Ado About Lebowski” as writ by William Shakespeare; an adaption of an adaption of a parody of a farce. Quite hilarious.

After we enjoyed several rounds of white russians and the banter of an adorable San Francisco married couple, we met up with Blaire and her older sister (technically it’s Blaire’s mom, but she doesn’t look it) at the Brickyard.

It was actually nice to have a mom around…She was great at giving advice on which guys to pursue and which not to… To my recollection she was not, however, a fan of Tony, but I was!

Once Blaire’s mom decided it was time to call it a night, we left The Brickyard and headed over to Mauna Loa to meet up with some other friends (and family)…

I know there were a lot more people at the bar that night, too many to count. And I’m pretty sure a lot of craziness went on around me, but somehow I managed to avoid almost all of them. See I ended up with a seat at a table of strangers, excluding Doug who I do know, playing round after round of cards.

I showed them my waterproof camera and my playing cards, at which point, one of the random girls at the table commented on my admiration of drinking games as demonstrated by my preparation with waterproof gadgets. Bitch puh-lease.

Despite her sassy attitude we continued on with card games until the end of the night…Ridiculous.

Fall Festival Season aka San Francisco’s Summer

By now you have probably figured out that if it involves booze, music, a theme, etc, that I most likely want to be a part of it. As July is quickly coming to a close, I thought it important to highlight the Festivals of the Fall. Let’s face it, Summer might as well be winter in San Francisco with all this fog we’ve had, so let’s make August, September & October the key staycation months of 2010!

Below you will find a complete list (well complete in that these are the things I would like to attend) of Fall Festivals!

Only in San Francisco: A great site for all your San Francisco good times!

August

Saturday, August 7
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is Playing at Dolores Park

Saturday, August 14 & Sunday, August 15
Outside Lands Music & Arts Festival

September

Friday, September 3 – Monday, September 6
Sausalito Art & Wine Festival

Saturday, September 11 & Sunday, September 12
Ghiradelli Square Chocolate Festival7th Annual Brews on the Bay

Saturday, September 18
2nd Annual Taste of Fillmore Street

Saturday, September 25 & Sunday, September 26
SF International Dragon Boat Festival & Polk Street Blues Festival

Sunday, September 26
Folsom Street Faire

October

Sunday, October 3
Castro Street Fair

Friday, October 8 – Tuesday, October 12
Fleet Week

Saturday, October 16 & Sunday, October 17
Half Moon Bay’s Pumpkin Festival & Treasure Island Music Festival

Saturday, October 23 – Tuesday, October 26
Oktoberfest by the Bay

We’ve Lost Doug…Again

I’m still unclear why, but Mary’s younger brother Doug has moved to San Francisco for the amazing summer ahead! For those of you who know Mary, imagine a male version of her and you have Doug. So on Friday night we wanted to welcome him to the city, so we hosted an average weekend night on the town. Dinner at my place. Cocktails in North Beach. Late night pizza. Dance party. In addition to Doug, my friends Cait and Ali were also in town…a full house, so to speak.

We cheated a little on dinner and heated up a frozen lasagna and spent more energy on the delicious cocktails. Before we knew it hours had passed, it was 11:30pm and we were catching cabs for the bars. We headed to Savoy in North Beach…I’m not entirely sure what went down. Things were blurry after the first drink. I vaguely remember talking to a couple guys, friends, etc. I’m pretty sure Mary, Doug and I hit up Golden Boy pizza and somehow we made it back to my apartment with a crowd for an after party. I didn’t last long…I was found in Sean’s bed passed out, face down, jeggings and all.

The next morning I woke up next to Mary in bed. I roll over and she clamours, “Where’s Doug?!”

SIDE NOTE: In any other situation this would not be a legitimate question or concern. However, a couple months back Doug was visiting for the weekend and Mary had taken him out to dinner and drinks. I ran into them at KTs (RIP) around midnight that evening and neither of them could form complete sentences. That next morning we discovered Doug had been picked up by the police and dropped off at his oldest sister’s house in Russian Hill. His wallet and cell phone were gone and his hands were cut and bleeding. Mary was responsible for him that night and had to work up quite the story to keep from getting her ass chewed out by her family.

So on Saturday morning when we awoke to prep for Beer & Oyster Festival brunch and activities, questioning Doug’s location was a valid question. I convinced Mary he just wasn’t awake yet and she just needed to give him some time. By 11am we were dressed and still no Doug. We went to his apartment, bribed the door man and pounded on his front door. Still no Doug. I called the police to see if he was in the drunk tank, while Mary worked on getting a spare key to his place. Low and behold, Doug was sounds asleep, phone off, at his side.

Now that Doug was located we headed over to Kel’s for Beer & Oyster Brunch. Yummy deliciousness ensued. (Note the boy in the blue shirt. That’s Kellan’s brother Patrick. He comes for this weekend every year. He’s an excellent time.)

By 2pm we were into the Festival, enjoying the music and desperately searching for the margaritas tent. Bingo! Danny not only found the bar, but also the heaviest handed bartender!

SIDE NOTE: At last year’s Beer & Oyster, Danny and I didn’t make it past 3pm. Around 2:30 I was asked to leave the festival after attempting to order a margarita from the bartender who was passing out free shots of tequila. On our way home I discovered a bench to rest on. After looking at the below picture, it’s no wonder I was asked to leave.

This year, I made it the whole day…

It definitely got a little cold, but we waited it out to hear the first couple Cake songs. At this point the wind was chilly, but we were toasty…for example:

Milo challenged a five year old hippie child to a hula hoop contest. Milo was beat in less than one minute.

The annual pyramid came and went quite quickly…

We determined “Blueblockers” make you feel ten times more drunk than you already are… (To purchase your own pair, click here.)

We headed to Paxti’s for some pizza goodness post festival. On our way there we ran into a park, some slutty women Danny and Doug stalked for a bit and met new friends…

At Paxti’s we managed to make quite the scene. Someone ordered three 12-packs of PBR, which the group then proceeded to shotgun on the street. We tend to keep it classy wherever we go. (Please note Kellan has morphed to Bel at this point in the day. I’m sure she blames her brother’s terrible influence.)

I’d say only a couple ounces of dignity were lost at this year’s Beer & Oyster Festival. Looking forward to Union Street and North Beach Festival in June!!

PS Check out this judging baby. This little biatch stared me down for a solid five minutes. Seriously?!

I’m Sorry For Being Selfish San Francisco…I Didn’t Mean It

I would like to officially (and publicly)  apologize for my absence over the last few months…San Francisco, I’m sorry.

I was selfish, I admit it. I completely acknowledge I have been missing in action. From balancing a new job to searching for housing to having had a manboy in my life, I’ve been forgetting the most important thing of all, loving life in San Francisco!

I vow to make a change from here out. For all the times I’ve missed not remembering, I’m sorry San Francisco, I promise to make it up to you. May the city provide me good times in my near future…

The reason you will require reading this blog to remember the rest of your Summer in San Francisco,

-Money

San Francisco’s Hidden Treasure (Pun Intended)

If you haven’t already tried it, I highly recommend San Francisco’s Dine About Town. It’s this amazing concept where restaurants around the city design set menus at a fixed (and reasonable) price, enticing us in with their deliciousness, thereby building addictions we can’t afford. Literally. Well maybe it’s not that extreme, but you get the idea…anyway…

Last Thursday was my first experience and the girls, Danny and I got to taste San Francisco’s hidden treasure: Forbes Island.

As a result, this now ranks one of my favorite to do’s in San Francisco for the following reasons:
1. Once home to Forbes Thor Kiddoo, an architect from Sausalito, this houseboat has now been transformed to a public restaurant and party island, featuring a sandy beach, lighthouse, restaurant, bar and Pirate theme!


2. It is located at Pier 39 approximately 150ft from the sea lions, what few are left.
3. Forbes Thor Kiddoo, himself, drives you in a pontoon boat from Pier 39 to his very own island. (P.S. He’s like 70!)


4. The bathrooms are bedrooms! Yes, you heard me. Fully equipped with a bed, fireplace, shower, piano and nautical theme.
5. And most importantly, the entire island can be rented out for a private party. Fleet week on the water? Yes please.

I highly recommend you check this place out…Oh and a couple of you may be receiving postcards…no postage when you send them from Forbes Island!